Am i Fat?
well, i am now! lol... but mum recently found an old picture of me from when i was 12.... at that time i was totally convinced i was as fat as the day is long...
years of 'thunderthighs!', 'fatso!', etc, took their definate toll on me. i was fat and ugly and that was that.
so here's me, the fugly beast.....
....gasp!!!!! eeekk!!!! how horrid!!!!!
it brings me to tears to see that picture and remember how i felt about myself.
there was a lady, a friend of my nana's, who would come and help her out with self care... one day, quite some time before this picture was taken, i got home from school and had an afternoon snack. i was still hungry so i went to the fridge to find something else to eat.
she said to me, "you keep eatin' like that, and you're going to get fat."
like i needed to hear someone i looked up to echo what all those mean kids had been saying to me.
does it look like i was anywhere near fat however much later that pic was taken?!?! no!
that woman was not welcomed into the house again, by neither my mom or my nana.
*****
i truly believe she put a curse on me that day. to curse means to put a ban on someone. she banned me from ever having a positive self image, from being able to eat without guilt, from being able to love myself at the weight i was - which was normal!!!!!
it was bad enough hearing lies from kids... but when an adult says it, it's the uncontrovertable truth. after all, an adult said it. and when an adult confirms what all the liars have been saying about you, well then, the lies become true.
never, ever, ever let anyone tell you that childhood teasing/bullying is *normal*. that it's something kids just have to get used to. that is a LIE. it is condoning child abuse.... at the hands of children themselves, children who know no better, who just repeat what they have heard themselves, who need the adults in their lives to exercise some authority and TEACH them so they *will* know better. so...the ultimate abusers? the adults who are in the position of authority to stop it.
******
that said... that corney old adage is too true:
"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
NOT that i am in any way saying that it's somehow ok...it's totally wrong.
but the trials that we have in our lives *are* ordained of God... to bring us to Him. to bring us to His Love. to His Truth. so that we may have His mercy on those who are still going through that stuff. as the basis of our little personal ministries that all women of God have.
unless a seed dies in the ground, it will not grow.... stuff like what i've been talking about in this post are the very tools God uses in our lives to bring us to our death...so that we may be reborn in Him, and grow and flourish as He has designed.
it's like dumping manure on a garden.... it's a raw, stinkin' deal....but ultimately, there is growth.
years of 'thunderthighs!', 'fatso!', etc, took their definate toll on me. i was fat and ugly and that was that.
so here's me, the fugly beast.....
....gasp!!!!! eeekk!!!! how horrid!!!!!
it brings me to tears to see that picture and remember how i felt about myself.
there was a lady, a friend of my nana's, who would come and help her out with self care... one day, quite some time before this picture was taken, i got home from school and had an afternoon snack. i was still hungry so i went to the fridge to find something else to eat.
she said to me, "you keep eatin' like that, and you're going to get fat."
like i needed to hear someone i looked up to echo what all those mean kids had been saying to me.
does it look like i was anywhere near fat however much later that pic was taken?!?! no!
that woman was not welcomed into the house again, by neither my mom or my nana.
*****
i truly believe she put a curse on me that day. to curse means to put a ban on someone. she banned me from ever having a positive self image, from being able to eat without guilt, from being able to love myself at the weight i was - which was normal!!!!!
it was bad enough hearing lies from kids... but when an adult says it, it's the uncontrovertable truth. after all, an adult said it. and when an adult confirms what all the liars have been saying about you, well then, the lies become true.
never, ever, ever let anyone tell you that childhood teasing/bullying is *normal*. that it's something kids just have to get used to. that is a LIE. it is condoning child abuse.... at the hands of children themselves, children who know no better, who just repeat what they have heard themselves, who need the adults in their lives to exercise some authority and TEACH them so they *will* know better. so...the ultimate abusers? the adults who are in the position of authority to stop it.
******
that said... that corney old adage is too true:
"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
NOT that i am in any way saying that it's somehow ok...it's totally wrong.
but the trials that we have in our lives *are* ordained of God... to bring us to Him. to bring us to His Love. to His Truth. so that we may have His mercy on those who are still going through that stuff. as the basis of our little personal ministries that all women of God have.
unless a seed dies in the ground, it will not grow.... stuff like what i've been talking about in this post are the very tools God uses in our lives to bring us to our death...so that we may be reborn in Him, and grow and flourish as He has designed.
it's like dumping manure on a garden.... it's a raw, stinkin' deal....but ultimately, there is growth.
posted by Lynnie Ha at 10:41 PM
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